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Comments

Lyriica@ 11:58am 12-20-2010
I love your satirical sense of humor and general dislike of Twifaggetry. :D In fact, I love you! Best. Summaries. Ever. Thanks for taking the time to write them.
Twisted_Seraph@ 1:44pm 10-05-2010
I'm glad to find that just as many people as like this book hate it. I haven't read it, and don't plan on it, but go you!
AutumnFeather@ 6:46am 08-21-2010
What you have just written in those summaries are so completely true. Meyer should go and take a mary-sue litmus test sometime soon, but she'll end up smashing her computer because she can't accept the fact that her "precious and perfect" characters are mary-sue (catch the irony? xD)

Anyway, the book is complete crap, I pity the plot that is still "rotting away in the Volvo" and well, honestly, Vampires were so much more appealing then when this book first appeared. I mean, who would like someone that sparkles? That is just... well, you get what I mean. She just totally ruined Vampires with all that gary-stu and mary-sue crap. One has to wonder how her book became so famous with all those cliche ideas, and how she can repeat the same thing all over and over for three quarters of the book.

Thanks so much for sharing this <3
lawra@ 11:03pm 07-16-2010
dude thanks for that summary, I wasted the most valuable hours of my life forcing myself to reading Twilight (I wanted to know how much it sucked), and my "friends" forced me to watch New Moon, leaving me with the sensation of "I wanna know how it ends that shit ¬¬ I suck ¬¬", and this summary helped me A LOT!!!

thanks man ;D you saved me lots of hours of mental diarrhea ;D
Ian@ 3:11pm 07-05-2010
I, being a writer and English major, am filled with such satisfaction that readers today, for the most part, still have a grasp of good literature. Sorry, Mrs. Meyers, but the Twilight saga is not "good literature." I'm not even sure if it's fully "literature" as I've read better fanfics than this...self-masturbatory, idiotic, rose-tinted, dreck that don't go out of their way to ruin a great romantic tradition of the gothic and mysterious creatures for the purpose of getting oneself off and making a buck.

It makes me glad to see that there are many summaries such as this one devoted to telling it how things actually are, and not what some screaming fangirls want. Thank you.
Elly@ 12:19am 07-01-2010
I love you. <3 That is all.
Latvia-chan@ 12:51pm 06-10-2010
I love this- I totally agree with the content. Meyers has indeed re-written vampires from beings such as the well-known Dracula into Gary-Stus coated in glitter powder and sequins, although I rather resent your comment on her grammar, because I sure as hell have better grammar skills than she does (so does most of the literate population, in fact).
Jake@ 1:03pm 03-22-2010
awesome dude, pure awesome
Riorach@ 6:38am 02-25-2010
I greatly enjoyed reading these summaries, despite the many rabid twi-fans bitching in broken language about how wrong you are, I think you made the Twilight books much more enjoyable from an actual reader's standpoint. What most people will not no matter how many times you punch them in the nose, understand is that this is a blog, its your writing and your opinion and if they attack you for it they should literally fuck themselves with the cover of the books. (Yay Run-on sentences :D) I enjoyed it and any who oppose you with broken english rants about how good the books are need to leave you be. Great work.
Angie@ 2:26am 02-16-2010
;)
Kitsune no Zetsumei@ 6:00pm 02-09-2010
Epic. I simply loved your summaries. They hit bullseye every last one of them. I have also had the unfortunate event of reading those books. Ah, how the vampire literature has fallen.. It's rather tragic.

Just this October, I had the pleasure of being at Desucon 4 (which that year was an anime/fantasy/sci-fi convention held in Norway) where they had this auction. You actioned on some different stuff, and the winner got to choose between getting the object destroyed or to keep it.

Needless to say, they actioned off a few Twilight books. Which were ruined. ;)

Yes, I have Gaia.

And I like my apples very green.
Ryan@ 5:27am 01-18-2010
I'd like to point out one thing. In you'r authors quote, you write " ...If you have a problem with that please don't read all four summaries and then harass me in comments..." Yet it seems that you've read the entire twilight saga and, are now, harrasing twilight fans, and, indirectly, Steph Myer herself. Makes you think, dosn't it. How you believe that twilight fans arn't allowed the same luxouries as yourself. So, insted of critisizing you in the normal ways twitards would, I insted leave you with this: Stephenie Meyer is still a person with feelings, and how would you feel if you'd put all that time and effort into a series of novles [even if they wern't the most well written] and an entire internet culture came along and tried to tear it all down?

The crazy rabid twilight fans may give the regular, inteligent ones a bad name, but it's egotistic smart arses like yourself that give us non fans a bad name.

I'm sorry for the many spelling mistakes in that post.
Helion@ 4:30am 01-08-2010
Excellent work!!!
Kat@ 7:30pm 12-15-2009
This was so hilarious, I loved it. Unfortunately, I have read all the Twilight books and these summaries are dead on. I got many lulz from reading them. The world needs more people like you that have, you know, a brain, or at least a portion of one. I love vampires and Dracula is one of my favorites. But now Stephenie's gone and ruined vampires for me, I'll need to crawl in a hole until Twilight loses popularity and vampires have a good name again. Until then, I will browse the internetz for more summaries/parodies like these. Thank you for actually using your brain and comprehending the horrible pieces of literature the Twilight books are.
Alex@ 9:19am 11-30-2009
Truer words have never been spoken.
Twilight is a shitheap in every respect.
I feel sorry for the poor actors and actresses who had to play these horrendous, flat, empty shells of characters.

Brilliant summary.

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